Jack, I'm a man
by Captain Matey
Summary: What happens when Jack finds out the single female pirate in his crew might be a man? Read to find out. Has nothing to do with DMC
1. Jack, I'm a man

**--Jack, I'm a Man— **

**--Chapter 1 :** Jack, I'm a man--

--by--

**--**Captain Matey Sparrow**-- **

**xox **

**Disclaimer : **I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean. If I did... Wow...

**&**&**&**&**& **

**Note : **This story is pure randomness, and is not meant to be taken seriously. This was also not meant to be a masterpiece. I have corrected many of my mistakes, so that it would be readable, and finally, I am also about to update a second chapter.

Also, please take note that I began writing this long before the second movie came out, so this will have nothing to do with _Deadman's Chest_.

**xox **

Jack stood at the edge of the _Black Pearl_, gazing at what was his life, the sea. He was deep into his thoughts, until Anamaria patted his butt as a joke.

"Wha' the bloody 'ell d'ye do that for?" shouted Jack as he turned to a face smiling Anamaria.

"Jack, I need to tell ye' somethin'," said Anamaria in a serious tone of voice.

"If ye're pregnant, it wasn't me," Jack joked, smirking.

"Jack, I'll never -" began Anamaria, before Jack rudely cut her off.

"_Captain_, Captain Jack Sparrow," Jack corrected her with a somewhat insulted look on his face. He wanted to be named 'Captain', because it was somehow made him feel more special than he already was.

"Captain Jackass Sparrow-" tried Anamaria again, in an annoyed tone before Jack cut her off. Again.

"Ana the Freaking Bloody Wench Maria," Jack cut her off again, but he sounded more annoyed than Anamaria's already was.

"Whateve'. D'ye mind listening to me?"

"What d'ye want?" asked Jack as he let out a sigh.

"Jack... ummmmmmmmm... I'm... I'm a man," confessed Anamaria very slowly.

"Well, I'm a woman." Joked Jack.

"WHAT?" shouted Anamaria, aware that Jack thought she was lying so he added a joke.

"Love, I'm _Captain_ Jack Sparrow. You can't jus' trick me like that. Ye' know that," said Jack.

"Jack, I'm not bloody jokin'. I'm no' an idiot, like ye'," said Anamaria seriously.

"Well then, ye'll just have to prove me that you're lying in action, wont ye'?" joked Jack with the charming smirk that he has.

SLAP. Anamaria Slapped him hard on the face.

"I'd rathe' sleep with _Gibbs_ then ye'," hissed Anamaria.

"Thanks for the image," shouted Jack with a disgusted look on his face.

"Ye' deserve it," she said loudly as she walked away.

Jack went the complete oppisite direction Anamaria had, and as he was walking around, he saw Gibbs.

"Gibbs! Come 'ere, mate!" Orderred Jack.

Gibbs walked towards Jack.

"What ye' want, Capt'n?" asked Gibbs with a smile.

"Anamaria want's ta sleep with ye'," said Jack so only Gibbs could hear.

"What? Why?" replied Gibbs, the smile came right off of Gibb's face.

"Ask 'er. That be what she told me," said Jack with a wink.

Jack now walked away in search for Anamaria. After about 10 minutes of searching, he had finally found her, or he... Anamaria was just gazing at the sea. He walked up towards 'it'.

"Anamaria," began Jack.

"What?" snapped Anamaria.

"Ye' sure you don't want to prove me that ye be lying?" asked Jack with his smirk.

"Aye, because I ain't be lying, Jackass," replied Anamaria, using the nickname she had just recently given him.

"Okay, well, just thought I'd let ye' know that I told Gibbs ye wanted to sleep with him for ya'," said Jack loudly.

SLAP! - Anamaria just slapped him and walked away.


	2. I Don't Own No Speedos

**--Jack, I'm a Man--**

**--Chapter 2 :** I don't own no Speedos--

--by--

--Captain Matey Sparrow--

**xox**

**Disclaimer : **I do not own "Pirates of the Caribbean: Deadman's Chest" or it's sequel, and I do not own the third, of which is not out yet, either. Obviously, I don't own it's characters either. And, I also do not own Indiana Jones, the Teletubbies, Slimfast or Speedos. But, somehow, I've managed. So, with that said, HA! Sue me:P. (Seriously, don't sue me! I'm nothing but a teenage girl of which appears to have no life at all.)

**&**&**&**&**&**

**Note : **I know, I know. It's been like a year since I updated this. Well, guess what? After that long wait, you all finally get what you've been waiting for! A, the second chapter. Well, I kept getting trouble with this little chappy. Why? Because as soon as I'd be finished it, or half way done or something, something would _always _happen. The computer would restart itself, would freeze, or I clicked "no" on the "do you wish to save before leaving" thing when it popped up. Well, I finally got it right this time. :P.

**xox**

"I _never_ said I wanted to sleep with bloody Gibbs!" Shouted Anamaria, looking around to make sure no one heard her as she shouted.

"Yes, ye' did, lass." Jack smirked, proud of himself. Jack and Anamaria always tried to piss each other off in such ways.

"No, I didn't. I said I'd rather sleep with Gibbs than you!" She hissed, pointing her finger viciously at Jack, but he did nothing more then merely widen his grin.

"But lass, ye' do want to sleep with me, so if ye'd rather with Gibbs..." Jack trailled off, noticing Gibbs was headed towards them.

"Look lass," said Gibbs as he reached them, "I be flattered, but..."

"I told Jack I'd rather sleep with you then him, he took it the wrong way," she said, embarassed of the situation.

"I guess, since she's a man, and a woman, and dresses like a woman to attract men, she's probably a homosexuel. And since I'm far from being a homosexuel," Jack grinned, "she, or he, or it probably preffers homosexuels, and she thought of you."

Gibbs looked confused, "so, ye be tellin' me that Anamaria is a woman who's a man who's an it that is a homosexuel and is attracted to homosexuel men who are straight?"

Jack nodded, "aye."

Anamaria shook her head. God. What a bunch of idiots.

"Jack," Anamaria began through her teeth, "how is that suppost to make any sense?"

"Simple," Jack began, then continued after a short 5 second paused, "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."

"You mean a pathetic of an excuse of a captain, Captain Jackass." Anamaria muttered under her breath. Jack merely raised an eyebrow towards her, and turned back to Gibbs.

"Ya know, mate. You slap on a pair of Speedos, it'll be on ye like a cat on catnip," Jack forced himself not to smile at said situation.

"I don't own no Speedos," replied Gibbs, "not since..." Gibbs trailled off.

"Ah, yes. I had forgotten about that," said Jack with a slow nod.

Anamaria made a face, "Speedos are disgusting."

Gibbs turned towards her, somewhat offeded, "that be what ye'd say, until you actually try them."

Anamaria shook her head, "ENOUGH ABOUT GOD DAMNED SPEEDOS!" With that, she walked away.

With that, Jack looked towards Gibbs, "if she be a woman, this would prove that it really is bad luck to have women aboard."

**xox**

_'finally,'_ thought Anamaria as she spotted the man she'd been searching for, _'I've found Mr Cotton.'_

"Hey, Mr. Cotton," shouted Anamria, "Come 'ere!" Mr. Cotton walked towards her.

In a whisper, she said, "y'know what?" Cotton shook his head, so she continued, "Captain Jack wants to sleep with ye'"

**xox**

_To be continued..._


End file.
